Similes

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quick as a wink
quick as a flash
quick as a tick in a New York minute
fast as greased lightning
swift as the wind
slow as a snail
slow as molasses in January
calm as a millpond
wise as Solomon
smart as a whip
dumb as a post
dumb as dirt
hard as a rock
hard as flint
soft as butter
soft as eider down
soft as a pillow
big as a house
hot as a pistol
hot as hell
warm as toast
cool as a cucumber
cool as the other side of your pillow
cold as ice
cold as stone
cold as hell
cold as a witch's tit
big as God
happy as a clam at high tide
happy as a lark
happy as a sandboy
filthy as a pig sty
clean as a hound's tooth
clean as a whistle
slick as a whistle
slick as a greased pig
old as the hills
old as Methuselah
sound as a dollar
straight as a die
tight as a drum
tight as Dick's hatband 
safe as houses
regular as clock work
easy as pie
easy as rolling off a log
simple as 1-2-3
right as rain
high as a kite
lowly as a worm
flat as a pancake
sharp as a tack
empty as a drunkard's purse
drunk as a lord
drunk as a sailor
sober as a judge
light as a feather
light as air
heavy as lead
silent as a pirate's conscience
phony as a three-dollar bill
queer as a nine-bob note
odd as two left shoes
familiar as the hairs on the back of your hand
ornery as a rattlesnake with hives
ornery as a water moccasin havin' his belly scrubbed with a washboard pick
ornery as a two-headed bull
ornery as a one-eyed pocket gopher in a thistle patch
ornery as a Corn Belt tornado
ornery as a pit bull shittin' railroad spikes
hard as picking fly shit out of black pepper
easy as putting a six-legged cat in a bucket of water
fine as frog's hair
jolly as thin slice thick with jelly
hard-headed as a ball-peen hammer
welcome as a skunk at a lawn party
dead as a doornail
dead as a mackerel
dead as a dodo
limp as a dishrag
stale as yesterday's newspaper
pleased as Punch 
good as gold
good as new
good as his word
useful as a back pocket in a vest
useful as a spit valve on a guitar
useless as a tit on a bull
useless as a screen door on a submarine
close as wet is to water
close as a pig's squeal is to his snout
funny as a rubber crutch
funny as a train wreck
pure as the driven snow
pure as Ivory soap
tall as a tree
short as pie crust
fresh as a daisy
clear as a bell
clear as crystal
clear as mud
dark as a dungeon
dark as night
bright as a new penny
pretty as a picture
ugly as sin
ugly as a mud fence
ugly as a stomped-on Halloween mask
thin as a rake
skinny as a rail
slender as a willow
stout as lard soap
blind as a concrete block
blind as a bat
fat as a pig
chipper as a sparrow
gentle as a lamb
sly as a fox
wise as an owl
harmless as a dove
loose as a goose
stubborn as a mule
playful as a kitten
spineless as a jellyfish
strong as an ox
slippery as an eel
free as a bird
brave as a lion
timid as a mouse
hungry as a bear
cross as a bear
proud as a peacock
lazy as a dog
sick as a dog
healthy as a horse
busy as a bee
busy as a beaver
eager as a beaver
noisy as crows
hairy as an ape
poor as a church mouse
poor as Job's turkey
nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof
nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs
mad as a wet hen
mad as a hornet
mad as hops
mad as a hatter
daft as a brush
crazy as a coot
bald as a coot
scarce as hen's teeth
busy as a one-armed paper hanger
busy as a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest
rich as Croesus
cheap as a three-legged cow
straight as a ramrod
straight as an arrow
crooked as a dog's hind leg
honest as the day is long
innocent as a new-born babe
guilty as sin
fit as a fiddle
long as a wet Sunday
wet as a shag on a rock
wet as a Bronx cheer
limp as a dishrag
stiff as a poker
stiff as a board
flat as a board
bald as a billiard ball
naked as a jay bird
rare as hen's teeth
cute as a button
bright as a button
dull as dishwater
American as apple pie
sweet as apple pie
sweet as honey
keen as mustard
black as pitch
black as the ace of spades
black as Newgate’s knocker
red as a beet
red as a lobster
brown as a berry
white as a sheet
white as snow
solid as the Rock of Gibraltar
smooth as silk
smooth as satin
smooth as glass
smooth as a baby's behind
rough as sandpaper
sure as shootin'
certain as death and taxes
plain as the nose on your face
dry as dust
dry as a bone
loud as thunder
quiet as a mouse
silent as a tomb
silent as the grave
deaf as a doorknob
snug as a bug in a rug
bold as brass
bashful as a school girl
modest as a maiden
alike as two peas in a pod
bitter as gall
large as life
deep as the ocean
restless as the sea
still as a statue
sturdy as an oak
helpless as a babe
thick as thieves
thick as pea soup
thick as two short planks
nutty as a fruitcake
subtle as a sledge hammer
fair as a lily
full as a tick
neat as a pin
mean as gar broth
mean as a junkyard dog
tough as old boots